i always forget guys have bellybuttons
please come you make the beer taste better
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize