but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
