They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
