Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
