just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
BRING THE BAGELS
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
