You're my little dorito
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize