I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
