my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i now understand why vodka
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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