Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
