Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
