I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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