I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
