Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
