I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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