So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
