how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize