you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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