too bad you live with your parents still
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
