Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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