I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize