she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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