just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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