I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
