from now on my penis is your penis
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
