so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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