Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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