Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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