Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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