margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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