fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We need to get me chipped asap
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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