Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
