Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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