so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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