i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
