my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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