Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
