he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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