I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
