You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
