You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
