Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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