watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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