His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
