A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize