Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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