Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
