am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
