got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
