Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
