So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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