Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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