Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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