I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
