just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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