Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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