Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
