i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
