Your tits are I can't wait for
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
