Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize