it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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