wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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