So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and she was petting her beer can
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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