i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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