oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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