Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
