well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
