I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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