Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
