so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Four minutes until I can fart!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
